Bats are basically highly mobile puppies. Have you seen the videos? You’ve seen the videos. And the blood sucking! Nobody is afraid of mosquitoes, but we’ve got a thousand Jungian archetypes surrounding our greatest naturally enemy, the bat.Īnd then we hit the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. They are the basis for any number of myths, and you’d be hard pressed to find a single vampire tale from the modern age that doesn’t include our favorite flapping fiend. They’re nocturnal flying masters of the night, and man has feared their skittery advance for eons. That is a mantis, and I will waste no more time on yet another dumb bug.īats used to be cool. You know what would be cooler than a rhinoceros beetle? A freaking rhinoceros! And after that, you’ve just a got a head, thorax, abdomen, and not much else. I guess being part of a hive or rolling around dung is cool an’ all, but it doesn’t really make for an interesting fighting character. So once you drop the cool powers, what’s left for a giant insect? Not much.

Similarly, if Stun the Rhinoceros Beetle punched a random human with rhino beetle strength, we’re going to need the official Killer Instinct mop. And can we really maintain that echelon of insectoid power? Of course not! If Spider-Man actually punched Doc Ock with the same power that could lift a Volkswagen, they’d be scraping up Ock brains over in Queens. Spider-Man does everything a spider can, and he has “the proportionate strength of a spider”, so every insect or arachnid hero is expected to be on the same level. Let’s face it: Spider-Man has crapped in the hot tub, and now every other anthropomorphic insect has to take a poo bath. Are there any alligators in the cast? Dinosaurs? Come on, guys, we can do better.Īnother one that is hard to judge. You’re a lot more likely to start punching air than actually achieve a hollow (ha!) victory.Īnd, yes, having a tongue whip is pretty cool, but there are other lizards out there. What is the chameleon’s one amazing skill? It’s a stealth monster! And what’s the one thing that that is never useful in a fighting game? Stealth! It’s a one on one match! You can’t “hide” from your opponent! Just ask Reptile! Turning invisible always sounds great in theory, but it’s not the easiest thing to control your imperceptible fighter. However, I have to address the cold-blooded elephant in the room: a chameleon is the worst choice for a fighting game. Addressing the fact that the goofy scientist that can transform into a lizard might not be as strong as the lion commando is obvious from the moment he appears on screen, and I may as well be making bold claims like “Luigi will never marry Peach” or “Stryker might not be the champion of Mortal Kombat this year”. He’s a lot more likely to win a tournament than Dan Hibiki, but his introduction still involves him mooning the camera, and his general fashion sense is laughable (hey, wait, we own the same shirt). Oh, also, bunnies? Not known for the fighting prowess.Īddressing Busuzima on the power rankings almost feels like cheating, as he is clearly intended to be the “joke” character of the game. Ugh! I’m not going to be able to eat a Cadbury Egg in peace for the rest of the week! Bunny ears and a poofy tail can potentially be sexy, but hopping feet are a bridge too far. I don’t care if she’s wearing a short skirt the cold, dead, red eyes are a deal breaker.

On the other hand, she turns into the Easter Bunny, and, barring that one time in Reno, nobody has ever wanted to have sex with the Easter Bunny. On one hand, it’s supposed to be sexy, as it’s a clear reference to the Hefner/Toriyama bunny girl of yore. Alice is here for every horny male in the audience, and, given the general demographics of Playstation fighting games, that might be the entire audience.Īnd, to further the fanservice, Alice transforms into a giant bunny rabbit. She’s a nurse, so that’s a fine excuse to squeeze her into a sexy nurse costume (never scrubs, which, take note, game developers, can actually be sexy) or a sailor fuku, because, hey, gotta compete with Dead or Alive somehow. She’s been a fighter since the first game, appears in every sequel, and never, ever does anything useful in the plot. Alice is, like so many other women in fighting games, here exclusively for the fanservice. Let’s start with the biggest loser in this cast. Here are the power rankings for the animalistic fighters of Bloody Roar 3. But are all animals created equal? Hell no. Bloody Roar 3 is a fighting game about human fighters that may transform into anthropomorphic animals at any given moment.

Bloody roar 3 alice